Notes on Navigating Transformation
Where I’ve Been
Hey y’all! It has been a long while since I’ve connected with you via my blog, The Mending Collective, and I wanted to re-connect, re-ground, and re-engage. I thought it would be good to share what I’ve been up to, how (in)Visible Legacy [(i)VL] is continuing to take shape, and some things to look forward to as we grow forward. Given the scope of this journey, I have decided to share my reflections in a three-part series titled, Notes on Navigating Transformation. This first post focuses on Where I have been, detailing the initial creative revelation and the hard work of getting started (or restarting). We will continue the series with Where I am Now and conclude with Where I am Headed, exploring the path forward.
Before we get to that, I just want to name and recognize that this work of transformation is HARD. One thing I have been grappling with lately is how to be in process while also having a vision. How to stay present in the here and now, while having an idea for an outcome. One thing that has been abundantly clear: where we start is not where we will end up. So, what does it mean to grapple with the range of feelings that come with this realization? In the time since I’ve been with you last, I have been engaged in the practice of reshaping my relationship with failure. Noticing the feelings that arise in my body when I think I have failed, and seeing if I can relate to them from a place of love. I hope that this sharing will give you a bit more insight into this journey.
My Creative Revelation
I began to water (i)VL in a real way following a ten year relationship with non-profits and city government. I knew that working within the systems I had been was not aligned for me, and I was extremely disconnected from my body. I needed to try something new. So I turned towards what, up until that point, had been merely a hobby. My sewing machine.
For me, sewing has been a healing practice. A time for me to get swept up into the motion of the fabric moving through the machine. To let the sounds of fabric merging together sink into me. To trust that my body will be supported, knowing that the machine will take me where I need to go. For as long as I can remember, finding clothing that felt aligned with who I am was a challenge. Things were either too small or too big. Fit in the waist and not in the thigh. Or I just simply did not feel like me. I felt like I was a representation of something and someone that was not myself. In many ways, I felt invisible. Despite this feeling, I knew that I come from a miraculous legacy, and I wanted to find my connection to that power. (i)VL came to me as I found ways to be in my legacy. To be in my skin. On purpose.
This creative process revealed the power of imagination and embodiment in driving personal and social change. Fashion design was not just a hobby; it was a metaphor for the larger vision of (in)Visible Legacy—a space where creativity and collaboration pave the way for liberation and equity. With this realization, I had a formula for engaging in social change work.
I started partnering with community organizations whose missions were aligned with (i)VL. Through those partnerships, I learned that I was not fully grounded in how I wanted to operationalize my values. I found myself saying yes to things that were, in fact, not things I wanted to commit myself to. While I wish I would have done some things differently, I am grateful for the risks that I took and the lessons that I continue to learn. My healing journey has consisted of holding immense grief, pain, and loss. Trusting myself to stay with the feelings and sensations that came along, and treating myself with grace, gratitude, and kindness as I found/am still finding my way.
I would be remiss if I did not talk about the ways that the state of the world has also impacted me throughout this journey. The ongoing genocides happening in Sudan and Gaza, feeling the weight of the constant dehumanization of Black people, people of color, immigrants, QTLGTSI+ etc., and the clear disregard for our planet has taken a toll on me and directly impacted my work. The election of the current president and his administration’s constant attacks on anything that does not uphold white supremacist ideology has instigated fear and allowed for organizations to (continue to) choose profit over people. It has also further exposed a deeply rooted collective wound. While there are moments where I question what I am doing, I have consistently found my way back to believing that change is possible.
Where Have You Been On Your Journey Towards Transformation?
As I continue to learn that where we start is not where we will end up, I invite you to consider the origins of your own movement toward alignment. Has there been a pivotal moment or realization that prompted you to try something new, turning toward a healing practice or hobby to find alignment? In this hard work of transformation, how are you showing yourself grace, gratitude, and kindness in the process? And finally (shout out to amb, Pleasure Activism for inspiring this one), how can you release the framing of failure as negative and embrace the nonlinear, iterative path that is transformation?
I’d love to be in conversation with you, so please share your thoughts in the comments and reach out to me on instagram so we can journey forward together! And join me next time for Part 2, Where I Am Now, as we explore the challenges of remaining present in the process. In the meantime, here’s a song that’s resonated for me as I reflect on where I’ve been:
